Getting my life together again and attempts to transform from caterpillar to butterfly

It seems that for the 72nd time I am trying to organise my life, a regular occurrence thanks to the OCD instilled into me at a young age by my mother. I think I am getting a bit anxious to start University now and I’m getting very restless at home. I need a new start and I want it right now!! I also feel like I have nowhere to put anything so organising my stuff is a fruitless task anyway. But mainly I want to leave behind my old school things, the outfits I’d wear in sixth form and all the familiar surroundings and go to university to experience all the exciting and brand new things it has to offer (even though I pretty much know that uni and the surrounding area like the back of my hand).

I also seem to be making minimal progress towards becoming a “beauty-blogger”. However, I have been trying out some interesting new skin care products.and hopefully I will write about them because they’re quite good to be honest. I’m also trying to shoehorn myself into the makeup world slowly but  surely, again I’ll update all my invisible readers of my obviously exhilarating beauty lifestyle in a different post.

Lastly to being a ‘wanted girl’. I suppose I don’t really know if I am wanted I am just assuming but here’s why I am thinking such odd things. Me and dad had a rare conversation about how my mom and him met and got married. It was arranged and they didn’t really know much about each other before arrangements were made and they married at a very early age. But little details are slowly being revealed to me as I get older: like how my mom got a visit from a potential suitor just before she was going to meet my dad’s family *awks* and how my dad had a good few of girls proposed to him before his resistance against marriage was worn down and he said yes. It’s these details that really make me believe in fate because my parents could have so easily not met and I can’t even picture that. Anyways, father was explaining how he kept resisting marriage because his mind was so small, he couldn’t see past the present. Then he explained how I am also not noticing what’s happening around me. Apparently people are watching me, mainly grandmothers, and keeping my name in books (at this point I was cringing into my dusty seat). It made me feel weird, like I didn’t like thinking of marriage in such a traditional way but it almost felt romantic that eventually someone might want to spend their life me, even if it was aided by the family. But that’s a bit too deep for me and I’m still waaaay too young for this. It would be nice to fall in love but I have incredibly pessimistic views on the world and romance and I will just rely on fate to bring me to someone whilst I focus on getting a good education, a job of some kind and a highly enriched-with-awesome-memories life.

Peace xx


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