That one where you’re a bit lost

Exams have almost finished (my musical skills are still waiting to be judged). School is done forever. Summer has settles its bum on the British Isles and I have a worryingly large amount of vanilla ice cream in my daily diet. This means that my attention is truly set on the future and University *dunh dunh duuuuuuuuuuh*.

I never used to look on University as a threatening time but recently I have realised that I may have more to fear than originally thought. Socialising in a completely new environment with completely new people who don’t understand me and will probably get the wrong impression regarding everything I do. Beginning a course I may actually hate by the time Christmas comes and a new way of learning that is both freeing yet dauntingly solo. I have no qualms with the whole idea of new experiences and moving up in life, I crave a new environment to learn in and I need to move out of school and the same circles of people (although there are a number of people I hope never to drift from). It’s just that I have no idea what I am getting myself into, who am I going to meet? Some crazy-ass* girls who can’t think of anything they’d like to do more than drink themselves silly and go out on the town everyday of the week with no regard for their education (please excuse the mother-tone there)? Will I never meet a guy who is just happy to be my friend and doesn’t look down their nose at me? Or will I actually click with a really cool group of people from varied course backgrounds and get to do some really cool things at uni because of that? Please let it be the latter. Please.

I suppose, however, that socialising at this point with new people should be wholly easier because I know who I am a little better now, have a better concept of social etiquette and new people means no memory of my awkward phases. I may have a little more to learn about myself and how to be confident in new places but I am rather better off in this position than even two years ago.

Regarding my course, I am sure I won’t hate it but it’s been a niggling thought for a while. What if I did pick the wrong course and I regret it and then I want to change but I get all lost and confused and disillusioned etc etc. This is my irrational fear. Anyways I will never know until I begin the course.

I am essentially lost in this never ending cycle of excitement and anxiety for the next year. If there are any ways to look into the future and know for certain what I am stepping into please inform me so I can stop this torment. In the meanwhile I will drown myself in internet window-shopping and long for items of clothing and beauty products that I will probably never own. Ciao.

* I apologise for the potential offence I may have caused to some future peers by my language, soz.


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